Betrayed
by Skryva
Summary: After S03 finale. Red, Ressler, and the Taskforce worked together to free Liz, Agnes and Tom from their kidnappers. Liz and her baby are safe. Agnes stays with Liz. Tom left. Then there is a small occasion when Liz explains the reason for faking her death. This story happens after the occasion. I did a little adjustment in the title chapters. [Keenler]
1. Betrayed

**Author's Note:**

Hi, this is my first fanfiction. I'm a Keenler and not a fan for what writers did on Ressler's character sometimes. I feel like they are reducing his role bit by bit. I'm sorry for TK fans, but I have not been really into his character since S01. And as the series progress, as a viewer I feel like his character being forced into my eyes and head. It just doesn't make sense to me, including the spin off. I don't think I will get used to see TK in the war room. So, after watching S03 finale, I just could not help my self. This story was meant to be one shot. However, if in the future I get other idea, I might just continue it. English is not my first language. So, all mistakes is mine. All review is welcome. Enjoy!

 **Betrayed**

Donald Ressler was in his office. He glued in his chair, his hand under his chin. He was full of thoughts and disbeliefs. He heard someone open the door of the office. He knew exactly who just entered. He just did not have enough energy to look up or care. He felt suddenly very tired. Drained.

"Hi." She said.

Ressler was struggling to keep his emotion under control. He looked up eventually. He did not say anything. Just looking at her. She looked beautiful as usual. Her blue eyes showed a deep concern however. She seemed hesitant before speaking softly.

"Um... it's very late already. Are you not going home?"

He was trying to make sense of her. Of her standing before him, breathing, speaking, and alive. After the funeral, fake death, kidnapping, and all, he just felt betrayed and done.

"Why do you even care?" he could not suppress his anger. It just came out through a hoarse tone.

She seemed a bit surprised.

"Excuse me?" Her tone was raised a little.

"Well, you didn't seem to care about lying to your friends, who really care about your safety. And I must say it was a great lie or act of you.. and Tom. So, why should you now?" He knew the bitterness in his statement took an impact because her face looked strickened.

She folded her hands before responding. Her voice were shaking when she said, "Well, if you really cared about the reason why I did what I did, you would listen to my explanation just a few hours ago like others, instead of just walking away. But, you didn't. You just ignored me. You didn't want to know how I felt when ..."

She did not have a change to finish her sentences because he stood up abruptly, hands on his hips.

"Know how you feel? Is that all you care about?" He could not keep his voice low any longer. He laughed shortly, could not hide his sarcasm. "Look, Keen, the world doesn't revolve around you." He looked her eyes were glazing slowly. He felt his stomach drop. Then he shook his head, turned his back to take his suit and briefcase, prepared to leave immediately.

But she walked briskly to him, tried to get his attention.

"You don't know what life Red's world would bring to Agnes. I was really scared!"

He could not help himself when saying sternly, "I don't see any difference with Tom's world. But still you prefer to run with him immediately. I don't understand your logic here. Love must be very blind and dangerous for you." He walked pass her to the door but she held his forearm and made him automatically pulled it off. She seemed a little shock for a split second. So was he.

"I didn't see any other way, Ressler!" She almost yelled.

"There are always options, Liz!" He shouted now. "You could have talked to me..., us..., first. But you didn't. You chose to run away, like before. After every trouble we've been through together, you still can't trust us." _Me_ , his inner voice said sadly.

Liz shook her head in disapproval. "It wasn't like that! Listen..."

"No! You listen!" His rage started controlling him. He bored into her eyes, held her hurtful gaze. "Have we ever crossed your mind when you chose deliberately to play with our emotion? Did you ever consider Cooper? Samar? Or hell...even Aram? They are really care about you!" _Have you ever thinking about me at all?_ _Have you ever imagine how I would feel to see you dead again. The sinking feeling of failure to keep my promise – to keep you safe..._ He was very close to tear. "We always try to keep you safe. Even Red really works. Hard. I was there when he mourned over you. But you..." He stopped, trying to catch his breath and continued boldly, "You just never trust us enough. Never! If I have known it would be such a drama, I would never mourn. So much time and energy to waste!"

Ressler cut his eyes from her the moment he saw tears flowing down her face silently. He felt the urgent for leaving right away. He strode over the hard floor of their shared-office and was at the doorstep when he heard she said weakly, "I am sorry if I hurt you... but if you ever had a child, you would understand..."

He stopped then. Right there. He closed her eyes. Feeling the wet of his eyelids. His hands were shaking. He kept it on the doorside. He did not turn back. Did not want to face her anymore.

"Actually, I lost my unborn child once when Audrey died." His voice cracked.

"What?"

"Just stop, Liz. Stop. I'm done." _With you_.

He walked away then. Ran. Faster than he had ever been.

End.


	2. Move On

**Author's Note:**

Thank you all for the reviews of the previous chapter. You guys are amazing! And I agree with your opinion in a great deal. So, this idea get stucked in my head and I need to let it out as a continuation from the previous story. I like the Red-Ressler dynamic on the show but I found it hard to write Reddington because I think the character was meant to be very smart. Sorry if the character in this story is slightly OOC. Anyway, I hope you can enjoy this story. English is not my first language. Blacklist is not mine. All reviews are welcome.

 **Chapter 2**

 **Move On**

Ressler looked at his watch as he was driving along the quiet street. It was almost midnight. His car was slowing down and stopped across the same bar he went for the last three nights. He sat still, considering his options. His eyes were burnt, his chest was heavy. Sighing, he opened the car's door and walked toward the bar.

Inside, the dim light somehow made his heart rather warm. He approached the counter and caught the eyes of the owner.

"Hi, Don!" A middle-aged man greeted him enthusiastically.

"Charlie," He responded with a nod and tight smile.

"So, what's brought you here now?"

"Long island, please."

Charlie seemed a little bit surprise.

"An increase from yesterday. Are you okay, Don? Wanna talk about it?"

"Nah... just give me a drink."

"Okay. Just don't too much, will you. Remember yesterday?"

Ressler nodded. "Don't worry. I can take care my self."

After a few minutes, his glass was almost half empty. He was just about to give his straw a more suck when somebody put something carefully – a black fedora – near his glass. ' _Damn_. _Can't I have a little privacy here_?' He thought, upset.

"Hello, Donald."

He did not bother to answer or look. Instead he looked at Charlie and ordered one more of long island iced tea. He heard Reddington asked for soda water.

"You just missed your NA meeting today." Reddington stated the fact.

' _How could he possibly know about his schedule? Oh, right, he is Raymond Reddington. He has to know someone else's personal business._ '

He snorted his annoyance and said without looking at him, "So... you're spying on me too now? Seeing you're getting under people skin, no wonder Liz faked her death."

Reddington did not immediately respond back. He observed Charlie approaching them with their orders and waved his hand.

Ressler instantaneosly lifted his head when Charlie put a soda water right in front of him.

"Charlie, I think I order..."

"I change my mind. Thank you, Charlie." Reddington interrupted him.

Ressler turned his head and found Reddington had taken his long island. He cursed and looked at Reddington's smug face. ' _The man certainly knows how to get his attention_.'

"What the hell do you want?!" He fired at him.

"Talk." The older man answered calmly.

"I don't think there is anything left to talk about. Liz is alive, Agnes is safe, Tom's gone, Kirk's ready to be questioned, job is done."

"Ah, yes, that's true. Except for the devastating loss and non-sense explanation. They are like plaque, sticking to your brain, making it hard to sleep, let alone to breathe. You get shocking news that someone you think you know really well, someone you care enough, has the capability to create the pain. You get stucked in a very uncomfortable place. You want to move on but you can't. You don't want to stay because you're sure it will be pointless and hurting more. The situation is like a blackhole that sucks you into an unknown darkness. Donald, believe me, I understand how you feel."

Ressler threw his glance on him and observed. He remembered the day Liz was died. The day when Raymond Reddington, the criminal master, was in a very broken state he had never seen before. The day when he himself had to maintain his composure so tight that every mess could be resolved quickly. What a mess day it was. And that day led to nothing. ' _Reddington must have taken a huge impact here. Liz and Mr. Kaplan... and Tom..._ " His anger soon dissipated, was replaced with sympathy. He sighed and took his soda water before looking at him again and speaking,

"So... since you are an expert on this, how do you deal with it?"

Reddington took his drink and looked at him, "As much as I am not very fond of it, I choose to stay."

Ressler laughed mockingly. "Really, huh? What do you do with 'playing game with Red and you will get a death sentence instantly'?"

Red observed him, silent for a moment. "My past is not something I'm very proud of. I came to the FBI because of that past. There were too many broken relations and consequences I should pay in the present. Sometimes, understanding is worth for a better future."

Ressler lifted his glass and said, "Well, congratulations then." He emptied the contain of the glass and asked for another from Charlie.

Reddington continued, "The question is what happens with your faith to humanity? What will you do with Agent Ressler who seemed to know what's the rules and what's right?"

Ressler laughed bitterly. "See, Red, I was played by the rules, by doing things I thought was right. No more playing now. I don't care. I move on." Ressler put his money on the table, was ready to go.

Reddington chuckled. "You mean move to alcohol. It's a pleasurable way of escaping, Donald."

Ressler stood still and then calmly said to him. "Look, I appreciate your concern. But, I am not drunk or doing any drugs."

Reddington cut in. "Haven't – yet. It's only a matter of time, Donald, before you chase the rabbit down the hole. And sadly, it's because you can't move from what you feel about her."

Ressler opened his mouth, wanted to say something, to scream or say whatever things to deny him. But nothing came out.

Reddington sighed. "I know Lizzie made some stupid choices. I myself could not think any explainable reasons for some of her choices. The difference is I know her, a great deal of her past, which I can not share today for a critical reason. She might be someone you think you know, but then you realize you don't really know her. But she has faith that you're a good guy. I can not blame you for confronting her and not having a trust in her anymore... but I don't want you to go to the way I ever walked before."

Ressler sat down again. Charlie put a glass of long island in front of him without being asked.

"Thanks, Charlie." Reddington said and put some money. He took his fedora, put on his head, and stood up.

"Dembe will wait and drive you home." He said. "Enjoy your night, Donald."

Ressler looked down at his glass and thought for a while.

"Hey, Red," he said when Reddington reached the doorstep, "I think you know that I don't always play by the book and do the right thing. You don't need to worry. I will move on..." He cleared his throat before continued clearly, "We will move on. Together. Like we used ever be." He held his gaze and said, "It will need some time... but it will be easier if you make your relation with her clear. For her."

Reddington shared a look with him – a look that talked some understandings between them. Then the man left without saying anything.


	3. Missed

**Authors Note:**

Blacklist characters is the property of NBC and Jon Bokenkamp and friends. The song in the end of story is from Bad English, titled "When I See You Smile." I can not help my self and write this idea. So, enjoy! All review are welcome.

keenler-mcswarek-girl: Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it. =)

 **Chapter 3**

 **Missed**

Elizabeth Keen had been working in the Post Office for the last three days. Even though they still investigated Alexander Kirk, they also managed to catch a blacklister today. It was a more simple case of blacklister and they could get home earlier afterwards. Nevertheless, she did not really want to go home. Alexander Kirk case disturbed her mind, but what distracted her more was the strained situation in the Post Office. After her fake death and her reasons, she felt everything or every person – to be exact – was so different. She could not blame them though. She felt her days so gloomy, so gray. She was in depth thoughts, alone, in the middle of the war room, when she heard that laughter. His laughter. Donald Ressler laughed in his office. With Agent Navabi and Aram. She looked up. Oh, how she missed it. All she could remember was his tight smile, forceful smile. And they had a very heated argument just a week ago. Since that day, they never really talked. It was not she did not try, but he seemed so distant. His laughter faded, and he came out of his office. Samar and Aram followed him. Liz braced herself. ' _After all, I lied to them, right?_ ' She thought and approached them.

"Hi, guys?" She called.

They turned to her. She tried to ignore the way Ressler face tensed immediately.

"Wanna have some drinks? Out?" She asked hopefully.

"Uh..." Aram first responded. "I'd love too. But, I'm sorry, Agent Keen, I have another appointment... Maybe tomorrow. Really.. if Mr. Reddington.." He stopped himself then. "Uh, what just I said? No, forget it. I got to go. It's really nothing serious with Mr. Reddington here. I just.."

Liz smiled. "No, it's okay, Aram. I understand. "So, how about you, Guys?" Liz looked at Samar and Ressler.

"Fine with me." Samar answered her, then walked to her desk, gathered her belonging.

The moment Samar left, she felt the tension between them. A bit heavy. Awkward. Her heart beat was escalated slowly.

She immediately spoke, "Look, I understand if you.." she stopped because at the same time he spoke too. He stopped. They looked each other. Words were loss.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" Liz asked first. Feared that he would never speak again.

He shook his head.

"No. You first."

"Uh... I said... uh... well, it would be nice if you can join us."

He seemed to consider it, but he shook his head again.

"I have other bussiness actually." He said.

Her heart dropped.

"Next time then." She tried to smile. It's hard. The way he responded made her feel loss of something very precious. ' _Yeah, right. Their friendship._ '

He did not immediately answer.

"Liz, are we going now?" Samar asked.

"Right, okay. Let me take my bag." She fled then. She heard him saying goodbye to Samar, but not to her. She felt the sting in her eyes.

"Agent Navabi, a moment please." She heard Harold Cooper called Samar. Samar looked at her. She mouthed ' _I'll wait,_ '. Samar then went into Cooper's office.

She was alone again. She did not want to cry again. Damn, she's not that weak. But why her heart was troubled so much? She shook her head, trying to find something to work for when she heard his voice again.

"Keen,"

She looked up surprised. He must have seen something about her, because his face changed so sudden.

"Liz, Are you okay?"

She could detect worriness in his voice. Even a little.

"Yes." She answered him fast. ' _Lied._ _Again._ ' She sighed. "No." She said. " _No more lying_.' "But I'll be okay." She continued boldly.

He avoided her gaze, looked down, looked at her again.

"Look, it wasn't I didn't want to go tonight..." He said. "I don't want you to miss understand that I..."

"Ressler, it's okay. I understand." She cut him. "Under the same circumstances, if I were you, I think I would think twice... you know... before being lied again.." she said bitterly.

Ressler stepped closer when he heard her words. They were standing face to face, separated by the work table in the middle of war room.

"No.." he shook his head in disapproval. "See.. you missunderstood."

Liz looked at him. Puzzled.

He tried to explain himself. "I don't mind to join you, but... this NA meeting... I've not been there for a while... and..."

Her eyes grew bigger. She understood now.

"Oh, Ressler. I don't know that. You should go to the meeting, then. I'm sorry... I thought.."

"Hey..," He smiled a little. "Stop say sorry, will you? You've said that a lot recently."

Her heart warmed when she saw his tender smile.

"Oh, I really miss it..." she trailed and shocked when realizing she had voiced her thought.

His forehead wrinkled. "What?" he asked in confusion.

She felt her cheeks were growing hot. But she could not help herself.

"I miss your smile..." she said it then. "I mean... you rarely smile or laugh... since Connoly..." she almost cried again now. ' _What's wrong with me?_ '

He seemed to process her words. Then he bursted into laughter. His laughter was just like a good melody in her ears. She had never felt so relieve in her life, except after Agnes was safe.

"Are you kidding, right?" He asked. "How could I smile when you're not safe at all, Keen?" he said, his face changed again, rather serious, his laughter slowly faded.

She did not know how to respond to that.

"Um... how about we hang out together... eat, drink... It's all on me. I've never said thank you, have I?" she asked carefully.

He smiled again.

"Okay. I let you know where."

She laughed.

"Deal. Tomorrow then?" she offered.

"Only if Reddington give us a stupid blacklister."

They laughed.

"So... see you tomorrow?" He said.

Liz nodded. She watched him leave. His strides seemed lighter. She sighed and sat down. Wondered if their friendship could ever be the same again. If only...

 _When I see you smile, I can face the world, You know I can do anything  
When I see you smile, I see a ray of light, I see it shining right through the rain  
Baby when I see you smile ... at me_

 _(Song by Bad English)_


	4. Broken

**Author's Note:**

Thank you for all reviewers! You made my day! Blacklist is never mine. It is the property of Jon Bokenkamp and friends and NBC. The following story has references from some my favourite scenes of season 1-3, except for the end scene of Ressler and Samar in S0307 of course. So, hope you enjoy! All reviews are welcome!

 **Chapter 4**

 **Broken**

Liz and Samar agreed to go to the Wing Yee that night. They ordered mild snack and drink, and talked a lot – about a recent case and the associated blacklister – until Liz could not hide her curiosity any longer.

"Can I ask you something more personal?" she asked.

"Go ahead." Samar said.

"After I was arrested, I learned that Ressler fired you. Now I see you are back and your friendship is still intact – like nothing has ever happened. What exactly has happened between you two?"

Samar smirked.

"Why are you asking this, Liz? What do you really want to know?"

"You see... I just hope that somehow our friendship can be mended... after all I've been doing... I've been talking to you, Aram, Cooper, and Red... It's all been hard. You were the easiest to talk to. Red is the hardest but at least I know him. I know his feelings. We've been talking much. I feel the resolution. But Ressler... he's just different. He's definitely angry... but he's out of reach. I feel he buries something. We talk mostly about the job. I can't get any deeper."

Samar laughed.

"If you know him at all, you will know that he tends to bottle his emotions up to the point of explosion. I guess for him action speaks louder than words."

Liz was silenced. She remembered how scared she was of his reaction after the death of his fiancee, when he almost killed Bobby Jonica. She thought he loved his job so much that he could forget Audrey fast enough until she finally found his addiction and sat with him in the back of an ambulance for hours after the Mombasa Cartel case. She remembered how he was so determined to manage his addiction on his own even after her knowledge and offering help, or how she had to stop him for roughing Tom up more when they looked for information about Berlin.

"Liz?" Samar cut her trailing of thoughts.

She looked only to find Samar's sad smile to her.

"I don't understand you either. I want to know the logical reason behind your choice for running with Tom by faking your death instead of being honest to us, at least to him. He deserves that – after all his actions for you."

Liz felt such an uneasy feelings in her chest, especially after Samar said '... all his actions for you'.

"Look, I believe Ressler will do the same thing for every one of us, for you, Aram, even for Red, if you ever trap in the same situation like me. He's Mr.-I'm-just-doing-my-job, remember?" Liz said even she herself could detect only half of certainty in her voice.

Samar chuckled.

"Really? You're gonna give me that?" She asked.

Liz sighed.

"From what I see, Ressler, Red, Tom, Cooper, Aram, and you... all of you have worked very hard in exonerating me. I do really appreciate it and I am sorry for panicking and doing what I thought was right at that time to protect what I thought the only family I knew."

"Yes... I know what it's like to lost a family..." Samar said, remembered his brother. "I can understand that. But what I don't understand is you and Tom. Why you're always drawn to Tom Keen – or whatever name he has – is a one million question to me."

Liz wanted to say something, but Samar waved her hand and added. "And I don't think you clearly know what Ressler has done to exonerate you."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you think I don't know that he's a complicit? He broke some rules, Liz, for you. I don't think he loves his job very much if it means putting you in dangerous situation. He allowed you go in the first place before you shot Connolly, was ready to start a war with the Russian despite a direct order for not to, and was consciously eager to resign from the task force in order to save you from the convoy that was planned bringing you to Moscow. I certainly could never forget how he even almost got me killed by his own hand when we're in the process of searching you and Reddington."

"He what?" Liz asked in surprised.

"If you don't believe me, you can ask Aram. As time got by, his motive behind his just-doing-his-job thing was clearer. I think he didn't want to be perceived as protecting you because otherwise he could possibly be replaced by someone else whose decision would not be influenced by personal opinion about you. I'd seen your case attracting international attention, Liz. His acts had been scrutinized by many people whose had their own agenda, including the Director and people involved with Cabal. So, he must have acted as if he did not care – like he was ready to arrest you. When you falsified your death for the first time, he was in Presidential commission hearing. He – for a second was thinking you'd really gone. And he admitted to us – me and Aram – that he was scared of losing you.. He thought that if you continued on the run with Reddington, your chance for getting hurt or killed was greater."

Liz was stunned. ' _I've never known that_...'

"You must have known that Ressler disliked Tom, right? I don't blame him for that. While I've never really had experienced with Tom before, Ressler told me how Tom hurted you, betrayed you, and put all the Task Force member in danger because of his association with Berlin. He told me about who was her name – Agent Malik, right? – who got killed at that time, not to mention of how worried he was about Cooper condition in the hospital for days. Yet, he was willing to work with Tom to bring Karakurt back to help your case. After your second death, I saw him alone in his office at night, mourning. He himself told me he didn't even grieve over Audrey – his fiancee – but that night ... seeing him like that ..."

Liz waited. Her heart was beating faster. But Samar did not continue.

"Like what?" Liz encouraged her to continue. She felt her throat dry.

"Broken." Samar gazed at her. "It was almost in the same condition as in the day when he found you had a meeting with Tom while on the run, then later found Cooper chose to work with Tom without his knowledge despite the fact that he had told Cooper previously about rejecting Tom's offer. He must have loved you so, then felt so loss after that case with Tom and Cooper, because..." Samar stopped again and realized that she had talked too much.

"Because of what, Samar?" Liz pushed her. A mixed of worry and bewilderment tinted her increasing voice.

Samar shook her head.

"Look, the point here is he cared about you a lot whether he would admit that or not. If it wasn't love I didn't know what it was. They said love could kill. Maybe it's true. I believe Tom has killed many for you... Ressler had let Red almost killed someone suspected as Kirk – broke the rules again. The difference is Ressler always has his inner fight – against himself – because he works within the law. While Tom, well Tom can do whatever he wants whatever the consequences. Ressler will think whether what we do will give you a normal life – a real one. You might think it will be so dull, but do you really want an excitement in terms of being hunted forever, Liz?"

Samar sighed. She felt exhausted. "We have to go. It's almost midnight here."

"No. You haven't finished yet. I want to know what happened after that – after Tom and Cooper... Did Ressler use his painkillers again?"

"What? No, Liz!"

"Then what? Please, tell me."

"What if you asked him yourself and you both can talk about your feelings?"

"No, I told you before. I've tried and failed."

"Then, just face it. Ressler despised betrayal or lies – it's what made his father killed. It will take a lot of efforts to gain his trust again. The fact that he fired me after I helped you despite what had happened between us says it all. For your information Ressler didn't do anything to help me get my job back. He once told me he wouldn't want me back. So, even though you see we're okay, actually we're trying to be okay for the sake of the job. The task force has never been the same since you decided to run. I got to go."

Samar left her speechless.

Liz was overplaying her conversation with Samar that night in her room. She did not change her clothes, did not shower or washed her face, did not feel sleepy, could not forget everything Samar said. Then she decided to do something out of her confusion, concern, and guilt. She took her phone, dialed a number. After waiting for a while someone answered.

"Aram. It's me, Liz."

"Uh.. Agent Keen... it's ... uh ... morning..? Something's wrong?"

"No, Aram. Sorry to wake you up. I'm confused.."

"No, it's fine. I was in the middle of bad dream after all... you see ..." he started telling her about his nightmare. Liz laughed a little. Aram had been Aram. She hurted him. He got angry, dissapointed. But he tried to understand her, decided to give her another chance.

"Oh, I'm sorry, why are you calling?" he asked.

Liz let her phone fell to her bed. The conversation just ended. Her hands were shaking a little. Her tears were flowing down her face slowly. She felt sick. Aram's words creeped back into her mind.

' _Agent Navabi was just lost his brother... his ex-boyfriend was hospitalized in a critical condition...'_

' _uh... Agent Ressler said he was in hurry...he missed a button...'_

' _I believe that they have a night together... uh... an intimate one ... or a passionate one... I... I don't want to think about it... '_

Liz sobbed. Even when she learned about Gina Zanetakos, she did not remember of having this feeling. ' _What is this?_ _Was this what you feel, Ress?_ ' She could not help but wondering herself.

She did not know how long she was asleep. When she opened her eyes she found Reddington's sad eyes looking at her. His hand carressed her face slowly.

"Don't you think it's about time to tell Donald the truth only the three of us know, Lizzie?" his voice was thick with concern.


	5. Connected

**Author Notes**

The Blacklist is the property of Jon Bokenkamp, John Eisendrath, John Davis, and NBC. I am writing only for fun (because I can't help my self). Characters and place outside the original show in this story are purely fictional. I've not been to US before, so I just created it with no purpose other than for the story itself. Thank you for everyone who has read or reviewed the previous chapters. You made my day. I hope you like this story. All review are welcome.

 **Chapter 5**

 **Connected**

( _Continued right from last scene in the previous chapter_ )

"Don't you think it's about time to tell Donald the truth only three of us know, Lizzie?"

Red's voice was thick with concern.

Liz sniffed and tried to sit.

"What time is it?" Her voice was raw.

Reddington was silent for a second, knew that Liz ignored his question, and then answered cheerily "Almost 10." He got up then.

"Oh, my God! I have to go." She really woke up this time, hurried up herself to the bathroom.

Reddington shake his head. "No, Lizzie. I'll brief the Task Force myself. Mr. Kaplan has to clean something today, so you can take Agnes for a walk."

Holding a tootbrush, Liz looked at him, frowning, considering.

Reddington put on his fedora and nodded. "Take her. Maybe she will make you easier to think again about my earlier question. The good side is, making fun of Agent Ressler might drive away my bored today."

xxxxx

Post Office, War Room, 11.00 a.m. local time

"Good morning, everyone!" Reddington walked in to the middle of the room, full of confidence like usual.

Donald Ressler, who seemed in the middle of a serious conversation with Aram behind the laptop screen, looked up, hands on hips, and responded with a mild sarcastic tone.

"At this time? Really, Red? Ran out of blacklisters already?"

"Why Donald? You should be happy, got more free time." Reddington tilted his head slightly to the right side.

Ressler scoffed. "Case, please." He said.

Harold Cooper approached them.

Reddington started talking. "As we've known already, Alexander Kirk are not willing to share any information we need, hence I present Dimitri Ríčmond. Aram," Reddington nodded to him.

Aram's hands skillfully played on his keyboard. Numerous images appeared on the big screen in the middle of the war room.

"A middle-aged man was found drowning this morning in the Lake of St. Michael. His name – Antony Martin. He was a wealthy bussinessman. His wife filed him as a missing person about a week ago. That made forensic difficult in identifying the time of his death. But his wife recognized him from the wedding ring he used – as you can see on this image. Plus DNA result confirmed it was him."

"What's his cause of death?" Samar asked.

"Oh, forgot to mention that. Based on CSI work – strangulation."

"And his connection with Dimitri Ríčmond was..." Cooper trailed off.

"Mr. Ríčmond was the last person he saw – according to his wife." Aram continued.

Reddington took over, "Dimitri Ríčmond is a ghost. I know there were some criminals died and they secretly met with this guy before their death. However he's just a name, and the killers has never been found. No one knows exactly what his looks like."

"But, Mr. Martin has no criminal report. So, it looks like there is a changing pattern here." Aram said.

"Ressler, you and Samar can contact Mrs. Martin again, maybe she knows something more." Cooper started giving instruction.

Ressler nodded. When he's near Reddington, he stopped, and asked.

"So, Keen will not come today?"

Reddington looked at him and answered, "No. Woke up late, seemed like having a rough night."

Ressler frowned, did not say anything. Cooper called Reddington and Samar was ready, so he decided to go.

Xxxxx

Ressler glanced at Samar for a second while he was driving them to Mrs. Martin house.

"Party 'till night?" He asked casually.

"What?" Samar asked back, confused.

"You and Keen. Last night."

Samar smiled knowingly. "Oh... right. I was back at home a little over midnight from Wing Yee."

"Was she okay?" he asked, eyes fixed on the road.

Samar observed him and laughed.

"What?" Ressler asked.

"You're unbelieavable." She said. "Look, why don't you tell her already that you love her?"

Ressler almost stopped the SUV he was driving. Almost.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"Oh, cut it out, Ressler." Samar said. "It starts getting obvious now."

Ressler stopped the car. "We arrived." Then he got out without looking at her. Samar shook her head and followed suit.

They introduced themselves to Mrs. Martin, and started asking some questions.

"Do you know someone who wants to kill your husband, Mrs. Martin?" Samar asked while Ressler's eyes were wacthing around the house and back to Mrs. Martin gesture.

"No. Anton was a very kind and gentle man. He had many friends –due to the nature of his works." Mrs. Martin let out a little sob.

"Including Mr. Ríčmond, the man you previously said to the local police?" Ressler asked.

"I don't remember him as one of his friends. I found he scheduled a meeting with him before he was missing a week ago..."

"And how you found his schedule?" Ressler asked again.

"Anton put his schedule on his work system so that I could have known where he was. It's been like that for the last six months because... well... our marriage entered the hardest stage..." She halted, before continuing in more reassuring voice. "But we're fine, really, it's over... we'd had never been closer than ever. Anyway, I found Ríčmond name in his personal agenda – a book. I assumed he just forgot to put it into the system."

"I'm sorry for questioning this, Mrs. Martin, but what made your marriage getting difficult? It might give us a clue to look for someone responsible for the death of your husband." Samar said.

Mrs. Martin tensed for a moment then answered rather emotionally. "If you think he betrayed me, I would have known immediatelly. But he didn't. This girl, he considered her as his daughter, started to occupy my husband's thought and time. As I said before, Anton was very kind, also generous, he helped her much. I did not like it. We talked about it a lot and he agreed for not seeing her again."

"Do you know her name?" Samar continued without missing a beat.

"Yes, of course. Irina Petrova. She's 10 years old, an orphan. If we'd had our own child, this thing would have never happened."

"Of course, Mrs. Martin. I believe that." Ressler agreed, smiled a little. "Thank you for your time."

Xxxxx

"Wow, that's weird, don't you think?" Ressler asked Samar through the way to his SUV. Samar agreed. "Aram, did you catch the girl's name?" Ressler asked while opening the car's door.

"Yes. But, I see no such name in Mr. Martin's file." Aram answered via his earbud.

"She seemed very certain about it." Samar added.

"I think we should get back to the office. I need to confirm something." Ressler said, backed the car up before turning and moving forward.

Xxxxx

Southern Park, 00.24 pm local time

It was a bright afternoon when Liz pushed her baby stroller down the park near one of Reddington safe houses she had stayed for recent days. She stopped the moment she found a wooden chair facing a small canal, then sat on it. She lifted Agnes up and held her close to her chest. The girl made small noise before Liz cradled her in her arms.

"Hi, Sweetie..." she said with a smile. Agnes looked back at her. Liz smiled wider. "Little cold, huh?" She asked. Agnes yawned imperfectly. Liz laughed. She observed her then. Her smile slowly faded. "You just look like your daddy, don't you? Do you miss him?" she whispered. Agnes just looked back at her with those big dark green eyes. "Well, he's far, Sweety..." Liz trailed off, then sighed heavily. Agnes shook her free left hand, closed her eyes before opening them again. "Are you sleepy, Sweetie? You can have your milk while I tell you about him, ok?"

Liz botle-fed her baby and started talking. "Okay, where are we? Right, your dad. Well... he's beautiful, like you," Liz grinned, then continued, "He's very determined, a brave guy..., different... " Liz continued talking until she looked the bottle was almost empty.

"Agnes, it looks like we should go home. Okay, girl,.." Liz put her back in the stroller when her phone rang.

"Yeah?" Liz answered after seeing the caller ID.

"Lizzie, I will go for a while visiting an old friend of mine outside the country." Reddington called from his jet.

Liz held her breath. "Has this anything to do with my mother?"

"I'll tell you when I back home."

Liz tried not having too much hope because of her experience with Raymond Reddington all this time.

"How is Agnes?" He asked.

Liz looked at her child once again. "Good. Not so active today, but she's doing good."

"I see you almost ran out of milk and need more diapers, too."

Liz could not believe that Reddington would be very attentive to that.

"Look, Red, you don't have to. I mean I can take care of her on my own."

"No, Lizzie. It's fine. I've already taken care of it. You just need to calm down, and think carefully about what you're gonna do to answer my question this morning. I'll see you in a few days." He broke the contact.

Lizzie sighed. Slightly annoyed, slightly understood.

Xxxxx

"Aram, I need to see those pictures again." Ressler said while approaching him quickly, followed by Samar.

Aram did what he was asked.

Ressler frowned in disbelief when he saw Mr. Martin body images on the screen.

"What?" Aram asked. Cooper approached them.

"He's not Anton Martin." He said.

"What do you mean?" Cooper asked.

"His wedding band. When I was at their house, I observed their wedding photos. There were a couple of it, hanging on the wall, big to small ones. Anton Martin always used his ring on his left hand in those photos. These pictures contradicted that." Ressler explained.

"Oh, you're right." Samar said in realization.

"So, who is this guy?" Ressler asked while looking at those pictures again.

"Aram, can you contact the man from CSI again? That DNA result can't be that wrong, can it?" Cooper said. "Oh, and Aram, please continue with our latest development on Irina Petrova."

Aram just ended his conversation with CSI and looked back at the file in his laptop.

"Ms. Petrova may not be in the list of Mr. Martin's file, but I am able to find her. It's a though one." Aram stopped, looked satisfied with himself, and looked around. Three pairs of impatience eyes met his. He gulped and continued.

"There she is." He clicked his keyboard and the monitor showed a cute girl, bright brown eyes, brunette, white, with freckles on her face. "Good news is she's just adopted on the same day when Mr. Martin went missing. I know you would ask who has adopted her. So, I dig deeper – and deeper – I present you names, Mr. And Mrs. Jacobson, live at 65th Barton Avenue, here."

"Why do I get the feeling that the names are alias?" Ressler asked looking at him.

"Well, you're right again, Agent Ressler."

"I can go to the orphanage where Irina was lived, see maybe there is a camera footage or anything to find this Jacobsons." Samar offered.

"It's a good idea." Cooper agreed. Samar left then. "What are you thinking, Agent Ressler?" Cooper asked when caught Ressler looked deep in thought.

"Huh? Where is Red? He asked.

"He said he needed to visit an old friend." Cooper answered.

Ressler looked annoyed. "Let me guess. He left as soon as he heard the little girl's name, right?"

Cooper thought for a moment, remembering. "Well, it's not quite right. He left after we knew Irina was adopted by the Jacobsons while I sent a team to their house."

Ressler scowled. "Reddington knew something he did not tell us. I can't believe he keep doing this after all that happened with Liz. Look, I have other idea. Let me work on it first." Ressler stated as if he asked for Cooper's permission.

Cooper looked at him, thinking. "All right, I trust you. Just report me everything."

"Yes, Sir."

Xxxxx

Temporary Prison, around 3 p.m. local time

"Let me ask again: who – are – you? Whom do you work for?" Ressler voice was cold, his eyes were sharply watching the man before him.

The man did not avoid his gaze. He challenged his.

"As I said before, and I said again, I am Elizabeth Keen's father. She is Masha Rostova."

Ressler sneered.

"Lie." He spatted.

"Why would I lie about it?" Alexander Kirk asked in a measurable calmness.

"Why wouldn't you?" Ressler asked back.

"You can hold me forever but I will not tell you something different about my relationship with Masha Rostova."

"Her name is Elizabeth Keen. And I have a good news that your DNA doesn't match her. You are not her father. You have falsified your relationship with her." Ressler said boldly in front of him.

Ressler saw something in his opponent eyes. The dark room was filled with cold silence.

"Why are you after her? What are you trying to accomplish here?" He asked again, stepped closer.

He did not answer.

"Don't you realize where this uncooperate behaviour will lead you to?"

"I want to speak with Raymond Reddington" He said.

"Lucky for you. He's not here. He went to Russia to meet your associate – Dimitri Ríčmond."

For a split second, Ressler saw a tiny change on Alexander Kirk face. But then it was gone. His face looked uninterested.

"Fine. If you don't wanna talk I can file your case as a treason."

Ressler turned back, ready to go outside, when he heard Kirk's voice.

"If you think Reddington can keep her safe, then you're wrong."

Ressler stopped, then without looking at him, he said,

"If you think you can hurt her again, I'll let you die." He failed to keep a menace out of his voice.

"Agent Ressler, wait. It was supposed to be easy." He said.

Ressler looked at him again, tried hard to keep his emotion and anger under control. Waiting.

"I'll tell you what I know." His face slowly melted to a resigned look.

Xxxxx

Ressler walked towards his car, his phone on his hear. "Ressler." He said.

"You won't believe this." Aram said on the other end of the line.

"Try me." Ressler challenged him.

"Ok. First, someone spoiled the DNA sample. They're still working on it and to get the new result will take 24 hours or more. Second, the orphanage Samar visited has pictures and footage of the Jacobsons. Even though it seemed they camouflaged themselves, facial recognition still caught on Mr. Jacobson. Agent Ressler, Mr. Martin is still alive."

"Ok, Aram. Listen to me. Run a search for Jenifer O'Connor. I bet she is Mrs. Jacobson. I need a back up to her adress now." Ressler instructed him and sped up his car.

Xxxxx

Somewhere, around 5 p.m. local time

Reddington entered the large room of a simple country house outside town. Dembe followed him. A minute later a man about Reddington age came. When he saw Reddington, his steps halted.

"Oh, hello Boris! Or should I call you the infamous Mr. Dimitri Ríčmond? You seem surprised to see me. Why? We are old friends, aren't we?" Reddington greeted him, full of spirit.

"Raymond." He said.

"Yes, it's me. Or are you expecting someone else? Well, it's very unfortunate that your family has to deal with FBI as we speak. If not, it would be a great reunion, don't you think?"

The man slumped to his couch.

"What do you want?" he asked harshly.

Reddington took a seat before him and was no longer smile.

"The truth." A very serious tone crept into his voice.

Boris laughed.

"Are you torturing me, Red? You've already known the truth. I have a great business for almost 30 years now, Red. But you always spoil it. It was supposed to be easy." He said.

"Yes. I was supposed to die. But instead of me, it was Alexander Kirk." Red stated, watching him.

Boris laughed again.

"You hear yourself right? Nobody should have dead on that day. Why should you mad at me now. Kirk, you, and the little girl are alive. I was succeed. I made people – criminals, spies, whoever could afford the cost – dissapear, not necessarily death, remember?"

"Yes. Except you and Kirk cooked something to kill Katarina and me for real." Red said sharply before pulling his gun out, directed it to Boris.

"No. Katarina was never meant to die." The man rejected his statement.

"Then, where is she?" Reddington asked him.

Sometime later, a gun shot heard from the inside of the house.

Xxxxx

Cooper's Office, around 7 p.m. local time

Ressler sat facing his boss while giving his report.

"Kirk told me that he knew Dimitri Ríčmond personally. It's an alias. His true name was Boris Petrova. He worked independently, falsified death of persons who wish to get lost for many reasons, mostly criminals or spies. He had resources, including human, for the work. Jenifer O' Connor is his only daughter. Her real name is Katya Petrova. She married to Anton Martinev – or we know here as Anton Martin. They have a daughter together – Irina Petrova – it's her real name, but put her into an orphanage. Based on the evidences Samar and I found when we arrest them at their place, all this time, they work for Russian government, spying on us. Mrs. Martin's father and brother work for our government. So, Anton Martinev and his wife has sold some important things under our radar for the last 10 years. When Anton felt his wife troubled him and he could not longer use her, he decided to cut the ties with her. As for Dimitri Ríčmond, when we got to his place, we found no one, except the list of persons who had ever used his service. There are a lot of names. Only one name can't be read because it's crossed out."

He stopped. "It's Reddington business I presumed."

Harold Cooper seemed to understand.

"Is that all, Agent Ressler?" He asked.

Ressler thought for a second, and nodded. "Yes, Sir, for now."

Cooper nodded. "You may leave, then."

Ressler got up and stepped towards the door. When he opened it, Cooper called him again, "Donald,"

Ressler turned his head to look at him.

"Good work you have today."

Ressler only gave him a tight smile, then went out. Outside, he let out a small sigh. When he threw his glance into the war room, he spotted Aram while Samar was nowhere to be seen. With hand in the pockets, he walked towards him.

"Going home?" he asked.

"Yes." Aram said, then corrected himself. "No." He shook his head. "Um.. actually I won't straight to go home." He said.

"Oh." Ressler waited, his face reflexed a question. "Reddington." He guessed and knew he was right when he saw Aram's face.

"Look, Aram, I don't want you take a double job here." He said.

"Oh, no. It's not related with the work at all. He just... needs me to help Liz..."

Ressler did not even realize his interest seen on his own face while he was listening to Aram's further explanation .

Xxxxx

Reddington's safe house, around 8 p.m. local time

Liz held Agnes in her arms, tried to get her sleep with her song, when she heard her crying. She felt it then. "Oh, baby, you pee again. You must get a lot in there.." She said. "Wait, will you? Mom will take care of it."

While carrying Agnes into her room, Liz heard the doorbell ring. Liz put Agnes on the bed. The bell rang again.

"I'll get it." She heard Baz yelling from the front room.

Liz washed her hands, took out a clean diaper, and some wet cloths when she heard a familiar voice said,

"Need a hand?"

Liz felt her heart stopping for a moment. She turned her head. Her eyes met his green. She saw his infectious smile. A smile formed on her lips slowly as he walked approaching them.

"Hi," she greeted him, then realized that he brought something.

"Reddington thinks you may need this." He put a bag of disposable diapers on the table.

"Oh," Liz felt embarased. "Actually I still have those things. Sometimes Red just ..."

"Believe me, I know." He smiled knowingly. Then he turned his eyes to her baby. She saw his face immediately softening. She remembered of having seen that kind of emotion before. It was in Agnes' baptism.

"Hi, little lady, how are you doing?" he asked. She saw Agnes looked back at him.

"Wait, Uncle Don here will help you.." he whispered.

Liz swallowed a tear. She watched him loosening his tie, rolling up his sleeves more, and washing his hands. They kneeled together side by side facing the large bed. Without saying anything, Liz held Agnes' small hands, while Ressler skillfuly changed her diaper. Liz felt something in her heart through the process. A feeling she could not quite to describe. It was not like it has never been there before. It was a different feeling than when she was with Sam, falling in love with Tom, or being with Red in certain moments.

"Good girl." She heard Ressler saying to Agnes after finishing his job. Liz dressed her baby, and Ressler helped Agnes wearing her trousers.

"So, are you ready to sleep now?" Ressler talked with her baby again.

"Will you hold her? I'll take her milk." Liz asked him. Her voice was shaking a little bit.

"Sure." Ressler took Agnes into his arms. Liz hurried up to the kitchen. She could not help hersef when her tears were just coming out uncontrolled. Liz shook her head, annoyed with herself. Her feelings were mixed.

It was around 10 p.m. when Agnes finally slept.

"How was work?" Liz asked after a while they both sat on the couch.

Ressler looked tired, she thought.

"It was ok." He said. "Uh, I think I'm better going. You need to sleep." He continued and got up.

"Could you stay?" Liz blurted out as she lifted her eyes to him.

Ressler's brows were raised.

"I mean... it's late already. And you looked tired. I don't think I can trust you driving home this night. You can take Red's room. I'm sure he won't mind." Liz explained quickly.

Ressler seemed to consider.

"Ok." He finally said. "But not because I can't drive myself safely back home. I don't want you and Baz make a new scandal while Reddington isn't here. He could get killed, you know." He stated with a playful tone.

"Ressler, watch out!" Liz laughed and smacked his abs.

"Ow, that's hurt, Keen!"

Xxxxx


	6. The Truth

Authors Note:

I know that this story contains unpopular theory. But I'm really hoping for season 4. After all, this is fanfiction, right?

Ok, as for reminder: I only borrowed the Blacklist, its story, and characters from NBC and Mr. Bokenkamp.

Hope you enjoy this!

 **Chapter 6**

 **The Truth**

Reddington's safe house, around 4 a.m.

Liz was awakened by the sound of Agnes' crying. She moved slightly to the right side of the large bed in her room to see the small clock standing on the nightstand beside the bed. She sighed and got up. With a yawn, she moved towards Agnes' box and picked her up.

"Hi, Sweety, what's a matter? Are you hungry already?" She asked while prepare herself to breastfed her. Agnes only stopped crying for a moment. Liz tried to rub her back gently, but she did not stop crying.

"Agnes, what's wrong? Are you in pain or something?" Liz asked, worrying.

It was not long when she then heard someone knocked her door.

"Liz, something's wrong?" Ressler's voice filled in.

Liz turned around while carrying Agnes, moved towards the door and opened it.

She met his sleepy eyes.

"Come on in. Sorry to disturb your sleep, but sometimes she just cries in the middle of the night or early morning. Usually the milk works, but I don't know why she keeps crying this time.." Liz continued to rub her back and shush her.

"Let me try." Ressler asked for Agnes. Liz handed her to him. She smoothed her clothes and observed him. Ressler rocked her gently while moving back and forth a little. Agnes was still crying.

"Ssh.. are you cold, Sweetheart?" he asked.

"Liz, it's rather cold here, don't you think?" he gazed on her, asking.

"Yeah, it's rain outside." Liz responded. "But I have set the air conditioner higher than usual.."

"Let's try to keep her warmer." Ressler said. Liz followed his suggestion. She took a small blanket from the cupboard and gave it to him. He wrapped the blanket around Agnes body, and held her closely to his chest. Agnes still cried a little, but not as loud as before. Ressler patted her back slowly, repeatedly, searched her teary eyes. "Cold indeed, huh?" he smiled to her. Her crying subsided slowly. She yawned, closed her eyes again.

Liz could not believe the scene before her eyes as she sat down on the edge of the bed. It was rarely to see him without his suit. He asked for T-shirt hours ago and she gave him Tom's V-neck shirt. It fitted him. His usual gelled ginger hair was messy but she loved it.

"Maybe I should picture you with her." Liz said.

"Huh?" Ressler looked at her with little confusion on his face, but then smiled in relax way. "You mean this moment?" He whispered.

"Yeah." Liz laughed.

"Don't, Keen." He warned her jokingly. Agnes moved slightly in his arms. "Ssh..." Ressler whispered again. "Your Mom is making fun of me here.." he said softly to Agnes, but the baby has already gone into a deep sleep. Ressler moved towards the box and put Agnes there carefully. He stood there, looking at her for a while, before turning back and looked at Liz who was looking back at him.

"Job's done." He smiled contently.

"Thanks." Liz said genuinely.

"Don't. I'm honored." He said.

Hearing his words, something sprang into her mind. She might not hide her emotion well, because Ressler frowned, approaching her.

"Liz?"

"Um.. Ressler.. can we.. talk?" She asked. Her eyes were little misty.

"Sure... I don't feel want to sleep again anyway.." He said perplexedly.

They walked outside the room and went downstairs towards the large livingroom.

Liz was very nervous. She sat down on the soft couch, beside him, could not bring herself look into his eyes.

"Liz, you started worrying me." He said.

"Look, I know it's been a week since our last fight in your office, but there is an unfinished thing that I should.."

"Hey," Ressler cut in, put his hand on top of her hand. Liz looked at his hand then lifted her eyes to his. "I was really angry that time... but as time passed, I've been thinking it over and over. You're alive. That's the important thing." He said in all seriousness described on his face.

"I did not say the right words that time." Liz said.

"People say many wrong words when they are angry, aren't they?" Ressler said in reasurrance tone.

Liz gazed into his clear green eyes. "Ressler, I need you to know that Tom and I are over."

Ressler release his hand slowly from Liz's, his face grew confused.

"What? I thought he left only because of his work with Susan Hargrave. I mean sometimes he'll back and sometimes he'll..."

"No." Liz interrupted him. "We've separated for good. When Alexander Kirk held me, I was thingking about all of this, my life, Reddington, the Task Force, Agnes... and you. You're right. I wasn't thinking clearly when I decided to remarry him. You need to know that when I fake my own death, I did it for selfish reason – Agnes and me. I didn't think about anything else at that time. Mr. Kaplan offered quick solution, Tom was just there, and all I want was to live alone after that – only me and Agnes, without him or Red. But I realize now that's the stupidest thing to do, thinking that I can run from who I am and from the consequences of it. I was really scared for Agnes' safety. But I should have known better that there will never be places that really safe.." She wiped out her tears.

Ressler sighed.

"Hey, come here." He put his hand around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest as he lied back in the couch. His face frowning.

"I have promised to keep you safe, haven't I?" He mumbled between her hair.

Liz felt very safe indeed. It was a very different feeling she felt when she was with Tom. She missed this. Missing his smell that was so Ressler. But she remembered there was another important thing to say to him. The thing which could take away everything. The thing which scarried her the most. The truth. She disengaged herself from Ressler.

"I'm not finished yet." She said. Her voice was shaking. She tried to looked at him. His eyes seemed getting more and more confused.

"I don't want to lie to you anymore. It hurts me so to do it... but I am not sure how you will accept this because..." she stopped and stood, pacing the hard floor.

Ressler followed her suit, standing in front of her, held her forearms, stopping her, taking her eyes in.

"Liz, what is it?"

Liz looked at him. Her eyes were uncertain.

"It's about Agnes..." She said breaking her voice.

"What about her?" Ressler asked, trying to understand her words.

"She's yours..." Liz choked.

It took a while for Ressler to register her words into his mind and understand the meaning behind it. His hands were quickly free, his forehead was wrinkled, he took a step back.

"What? What do you mean?" He asked. His own heart beat was racing.

Liz stepped forth, approaching him. "I was already pregnant for a couple of weeks while I was on the run... I have calculated it right... Agnes is yours, Ressler... She's never been Tom's.." Her voice faltered as she tried to explain.

Her words were sinking into his mind. The reality strucked him hard like a bolt of lightning in the middle of nothing. His feeling were mixed, hard to describe. Flash of moments popped up into his head. Her birthday, then their moment he did not want to forget, Reddington shooting, the moment he was scared as hell because Liz was almost being exploded, Tom Connoly, her runaway... His head was spinning. There were so many questions which went unanswered running through his brain.

"Ressler...?" Liz put her hand on his left upper arm. He jerked right away as if her touch hurted him.

Liz was surprised as well. "Please, say something..." she pleaded.

"Is that all?" He found his voice back, though it sounded grating.

"What?" Liz asked puzzled.

"Your lie." He stated firmly.

Liz swallowed hard but did not avoid his eyes this time. She remembered what Samar had said. She had to face him – the consequence.

"Yes." She answered.

"Did Tom know about this at the first place?"

Liz was momentarily speechless. ' _What kind of question is that?_ ' But she anwered him anyway. "No. I told him – and Red also – after Alexander Kirk being caught."

"Why?"

Liz frowned. ' _So, he tries to do monosyllable now?_ '

"Why did I lie?" she asked carefully.

"No." Ressler stated.

His voice could have frozen her, she thought.

"Why tell me this now? Why should I believe you after all the lies." The latter was more a statement than question.

Liz did not expect that statement could come out from Ressler's mouth. His words cut deeper into her heart.

"Why should I lie about it now?" Liz asked back. "Especially when it's related to Agnes." She added. ' _No, she's not going to cry this time_.'

"Why shouldn't you? You lied before, why shouldn't you lie now? Do you think it will be any difference if Agnes is Tom's or mine? Do you think I will treat her differently? What do you think I am?" His eyes looked hurt.

"I know you'll treat her the same, Ressler." Liz approached him. "But you deserve the truth."

Ressler shook his head in disbelief.

"I don't know what the truth is. What do you expect me to believe when you decided to go back with your ex-husband even with knowledge that you carry other man's child? Why didn't you tell me right away back then even after you've been freed. You expect me to believe you when your acts don't support your words. No, Liz, I need some time to think about this."

Ressler took his keys which spread on the table in front of the couch. Liz tried to understand him, but her heart was going to explode.

"Tom was easier." Liz voice cut into the heavy air. "We have the same broken family... the same unpredictable characters I would say... while you... you're too good to be true...for me. You're so genuine, so black and white... so dedicated to the law. After what I did with the law and got little information on my background, I realized we're too different... I could hurt you or you could lose your job. So when he said he loved me then proposed me... I thought maybe he's the answered of my prayer about having a perfect family... I just thought ' _that's the way it should be_ '..."

Ressler who was reaching the front door did not step further after hearing her explanation. She faced his back, hoping him to turn back to her.

"I do this for Agnes too, not for me. She deserves to know her real dad." Liz finally said.

A thick silence hung in the air only to be broken by the sound of Agnes crying again. Liz sighed, turning back towards the stairs. But then she heard the sound of his foot steps, as fast as the wind towards her direction. The clinging sound of keys drop on the table made her stop on the middle of the stairs. She turned her head and found him striding closer. Their eyes met. She felt the pain when she found his eyes were glassy, almost red.

"Can you... give me some time with her alone?" He asked. His voice was raspy.

Liz did not expect that.

"Sure." She responded quickly.

Ressler dashed into her room. Liz just stood there, her back against the handrail. She felt something had been lifted from her shoulders. At least she learnt to be honest this time, she thought sadly. She did not realize her eyes were growing wet. From her room she heard Agnes crying had been subsided once again.


	7. Found

**Author's note:**

Warning: I think this chapter is rather emotional.

Thank you for reviewing and reading the previous chapter. I really appreciate it! Please enjoy this story, I welcome any types of review/comment.

 **Chapter 7**

 **Found**

( _Event happened_ _right after the previous chapter_ )

It was almost 7 in the morning. Liz was busied herself in the kitchen. She could not make herself sleep or rest for a while after what happened. She discarded some leftovers from last night into a bin and started washing the dishes. When it was finished, she opened the kitchen shelf to find a cereal box. Later she took a bowl and opened the fridge to bring out a bottle of milk when she noticed Ressler leaned against the doorframe, looking at her. She wondered how long he stood there. His face was unreadable. He was back in his long sleeve T-shirt and black trousers, his hair was tidier, although seemed little wet, clearly after shower. He carried his tie on one hand while the other hand brought his suit. Ressler walked into the kitchen, dropped the suit on the top of a chair and told her.

"Uh.. I found Agnes pooped quite a lot. So, I just changed her diaper. She's asleep now."

Seeing his face and the way he reported that, Liz wanted to laugh. But she held herself because she was not sure of how he would react after all that just happened. She studied him, then walked closer from the fridge to the table near the chair where his suit laid. She put the bowl and the milk on the table.

"I have to go." She heard him saying.

"Straight to post office?" She asked, looking at him. He looked better than a few hours ago, she thought. From their distance she could smell one of Reddington's soap from him. She admitted Reddington indeed had a taste.

"No. I... need something to do at home first."

Liz smiled mischievously. "Can't survive without your hair gel, huh?"

His tense body language seemed to relax a bit after hearing her comment. He chuckled.

"It's impossible to find one from Reddington's." He responded.

She laughed.

"Let me help with your tie." She offered.

His smile was faded slowly. He looked a bit surprised, but say nothing, just handed his tie to her. Liz took the tie and stepped closer, started her work.

' _How could the situation quickly become so awkward_?' Liz thought while trying hard to concentrate on what she was doing and to finish it as fast as she could. She could feel his eyes on her. Silently she felt a little regret for offering help because there was an uncomfortable silence, and she started to curse the blue tie in her mind. She could feel her heart speed up, hands colder, cheeks warmer. The silence became unbearable.

"There you go." Liz whispered while adjusted his collar back. He was definitely close. She took one step back, avoiding his eyes, focusing on his tie.

"Looks good." She said. ' _On you_ '. She did not say.

"Liz," he called. She carefully brought her eyes meeting his. His eyes were intense. She thought she might allow herself to lose in it.

"Look," he said, took a step forward. "About what you said earlier ... I think I'm not such a 'strictly by the book guy' anymore. Since you – and consequently Red – came, and after what happened with Audrey... my life has never been the same. When you on the run, it's getting harder to keep the rules ..."

Liz's face showed a disapproval look.

"Yes, but without your determination to fight from inside the system, I would never really be free. I don't want you to cross the line too much. If our world – me and Red or Tom – collides with yours, I can imagine that it will..."

"Hey," Ressler interrupted her. "Let me handle about that part, all right? The point is..." he stopped, groped for the right words, let out a heavy sigh, before stepped closer and taking her face. His right hand captured her face, partly between her right chin and cheek. "I... I don't think I can go through those moments again..." he sounded desperate now. He let his hand drop, took a step back and a deep ragged breath. Liz looked at him, frowned, trying to catch what he meant.

"You know... moments when you on the run..., Liz, I did stupid things. I lost perspective." He looked disappointed and remorseful.

"Ressler," Liz approached him again.

"Liz, I slept with Samar." He choked up. His face was in anguish. His voice was almost inaudible.

Liz stopped. Her heart was stung once again. His confession scratched her still fresh wounded heart. She never thought it was what he struggled to say. But she stepped closer to him.

"Ressler, it's okay. I know." she said, trying to calm him down.

He looked dumbstrucked at her knowledge.

"I know. It's okay. I understand." Liz said again, reassured him more.

He looked conscious again, then shook his head vehemently.

"No, it's not okay! How could you say it's okay? I was with her when it's you whom I'm in love with!" He nearly shouted.

The kitchen room went into a dead silence then. It was like even a drop of a needle on the floor could be heard right away. They stood face to face, personal boundaries were long gone, stared each other speechless.

Ressler's shock was reaching to his face when he realized what had escaped from his anger and hurt while Liz's blue eyes grew bigger as she choked back her own sobs.

' _How could I be so blind?_ ' Her mind whispered.

Ressler shook his head in realization, looked into her eyes again. Despite what it seemed a slight of hesitation, he raised his hand to her face, his fingers gently moved some strands of her black hair which partly covered her cheeks, and put it behind her ear. Then while his hand cupped her cheek, he muttered softly, desperately, "I don't know since when you've become the first thing in my mind when I wake up in the morning... I know that we had a sort of agreement after that night on your birthday... but I... I couldn't pretend that what we did was just a roll in the hay... I'm sorry, Liz..."

He looked defeated.

Liz felt her tears fell down slowly on her face. Faintly she remembered what Samar had told her just a day before.

She put her hand firmly on top of his hand on her face.

"It wasn't just a roll in the hay ..." her voice was cracked. "Oh, God, Ressler, it wasn't!" she repeated.

' _How could you think like that?'_ Her mind said. ' _Yeah, what do you expect he to think after all that you did?_ ' Other voice in her mind shouted accusingly.

Liz reached his face. Her right thumb wiped out a single tear that had left his left eye.

"I'm so sorry... I've hurt you so much..." she sobbed, looking into his eyes.

Ressler pulled her close, put his forehead onto hers.

"Please don't do that to me again... Don't just shut me off..." He whispered. "I could not afford to lose you again." He mumbled.

Liz put her hands around his neck. Then, she released her head of him, looking up at him.

"I won't." She said to him clearly. "Will you open up a little bit next time?' She continued, "I... I want to hear you... I want to help more... "

Ressler did not answer. Just looked at her. Then slowly, as if the moment did not real to him, he leaned forward. Liz felt his lips press on hers gently before a slight moment of hesitation. His hands pulled her stronger into his embrace. Their body collided. His kiss spoke a lot of emotion, some of it she could not name. Desperation, longing, passion, ... and love. Liz melted into the kiss, gave as much as she got. She felt something inside her heart. Aching slowly became into something lively which made her heart swelled with an unbelievable feeling she could not describe. And it felt honest.

They broke only because of the lack of air to breathe in. He did not let her go, just rest his forehead on hers. They both were panting hard. She could feel all the warm. His hand was tangled between her hair on the back of her head, so did her hands on his. She slowly looked at him. His eyes were closed. When she saw his eyes opened slowly and found hers, she rose on tiptoe and stole another mild kiss to which he responded gently. When they separated after a few second, she looked up and found this kind of smile she really missed. She found herself smiling back. He looked radiant. She promised herself silently to make him looked like that more often.

"You know, I should fix your tie again." She said.

He laughed and pulled her again. Her head pressed on his chest, close to his neck. She could hear his heart beating. She put her hands around his back and felt he kissed her forehead.

"I missed you.." He mumbled.

Liz was about to say the same thing when she heard a very cheerful voice sprang into the room.

"Agent Ressler! Thought I will find you here. Did we just miss something?"

Reddington looked at them, followed by Dembe and Mr. Kaplan.


End file.
